


Alex Shepard

by AricaZorel



Series: The Lives of a Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Dating, Developing Relationship, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mass Effect 3, Past Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Past Thane Krios/Shepard, Sexual Content, Spectre Kaidan Alenko, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24131803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AricaZorel/pseuds/AricaZorel
Summary: Alex Shepard fights the good fight as the Reaper War continues. The lose of one love along the way leads to the return of another. Will she allow herself to chance falling in love once more during such chaotic times or have the Reapers already won on that front?
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Thane Krios/Female Shepard
Series: The Lives of a Shepard [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741258
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. Hope

“Change of plans, people! Hackett wants us to divert to Noveria to secure a base from Cerberus,” Shepard said.

Major Kaidan Alenko stood quietly by during the mission briefing for their meeting with the Quarians when an emergency transmission interrupted. He and the other members of the ground team waited patiently while she took the call. Everyone broke into groups to talk about whatever, except for the second human Specter. He was still on outsider. He’d been back on the _Normandy_ for a couple weeks but still felt like he had to earn his right to be there.

Either way he wasn’t surprised when Shepard had come back with the news. Things never went as planned and usually Cmdr. Shepard was the only one who could fix them.

Just like old times he’d heard Garrus say many times since he’d been back. He looked to the brown haired woman he had come to admire and more so long ago. He’d told her he still cared. But she had just lost someone he believed had meant a lot to her. He wasn’t totally sure about her relationship with the Drell assassin, but it seemed to have been deeper than he had originally thought.

So not sure what else to do he fell into the old habit of following her lead and letting her come to him if she needed something. If he disagreed he’d tell her. She knew that but he wanted more. But he didn’t figure she was ready for _that_ conversation yet. He wasn’t sure he was either.

Her voice broke his revelry as she said, “I’m taking a small team. I’d like at least one person who was with the original ground team from the SR1 to go…”

Kaidan caught her glancing in his direction as Garrus of course volunteered. Shepard turned away from the L2 biotic as she said, “How did I know you’d want to go?”

“Need to keep my Cerberus kill count up,” the Turian said with his version of a smile. “Besides I have you’re back just like Alenko, right?”

Alenko carefully controlled his expression as Vakarian pointedly looked at him. Before he could respond as everyone glanced his way, a very familiar voice said, “You coming too, Major?”

He looked at her. Was that hope in her voice? He came to attention and offered, “Someone has to make sure Garrus has you’re six instead of catching rockets with his face.”

Everyone was silent until Garrus laughed. “As long as you don’t go all crazy L2 biotic on us, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Shepard smiled slightly. “Alright. We’ll meet back here in 3 hours to come up with a strategy. EDI, gather all intel you can on the target. The rest of you go rest, get chow, loose you’re shirt in poker, whatever but be back here in 3. Dismissed.”

They all filed out of the war room as Kaidan turned to a console behind him to work on the beginnings of a plan. He knew she hadn’t left yet but couldn’t bring himself to face her. Despite what they had said in the hospital he wasn’t sure if they were passed Horizon.

“You don’t have to do that yet…” a soft familiar voice called over his shoulder. His hands hovered over the keyboard but he didn’t turn to her.

When he didn’t respond, Shepard offered, “Would having some chow with me really be that bad, Major?”

He glanced over his shoulder to see deep blue eyes looking back as him almost hopefully. “I—I wasn’t sure you wanted me around…After everything that’s happened recently—“

“Kaidan, why wouldn’t I want to be around you? You’re here aren’t you?” she said with certainty in her voice.

He closed his eyes. That was the first time she’d called him by his first name since being back on the _Normandy_. He exhaled slowly. “I want to be here…for you.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder. “Then have lunch with me in the mess and talk to me…I want to get passed this…thing between us. I _need_ to.”

Alenko looked at her hesitantly. She was still getting over Thane’s death even though she knew he hadn’t had much longer to live. A selfish part of him said not to do anything. To wait things out because she had been with someone else…Hell, he had dated but with nowhere near the success she’d had...

When he didn’t respond, she squeezed his shoulder almost pleadingly. “I…I still care, Kaidan.”

“Aw, hell, Shepard,” he said as he moved to hold her hand. “I can be so thick headed sometimes.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” she said with a smirk. That was the Shepard he remembered. Maybe she did need him around…

He held her hand tightly as he said, “I’d love to have chow with you as long as the crew doesn’t shoot me.”

“I don’t think there’s any danger of that,” she replied as she led to way to the CIC. Suddenly she turned to him and added, “Just watch out for Engineer Donnelly. He’s a little protective of the ship and thought you made the…wrong choice on Horizon.”

“Oh, okay,” he replied hesitantly as his pace slowed _. Wrong choice on Horizon…_

With their hands still intertwined, the Cmdr. felt the Major slow down. She turned to him, a silent question graced her features. He played with their fingers and worked on the right way to answer. “Do you…think I made the wrong choice? I mean I know I screwed up letting you explain. But do you think I should have gone with you?”

She frowned. Was that what had kept him from seeking her out like he use to do? “Kaidan, you have always made good decisions. What happened on Horizon…the _way_ it happened was unfortunate. But as far as _what_ you decided to do, to stand up for what you believed in, for what you believed was right, to be able to stand up to _me_ even with the history we had…It may sound weird but you made me proud.”

He looked at her in surprise. “Proud of me?”

“Told you it was weird. You stuck to your guns and did what you could your own way to prepare for the Reapers. If you had come with, you wouldn’t have been able to train your students or become the second human Specter,” she explained as she stood mere inches from him.

He shook his head. Nothing between them had ever been normal. Why start now? “I think I get it…but I still feel like crap for walking away from you.”

“Don’t. It’s in the past. We both agreed to leave it there, remember?” she said with a half grin. “Besides I kinda like the fact you outrank me now…”

He looked at her and couldn’t help but ask, “Are you flirting with me, Cmdr.?”

She almost turned red. It was cute. “Trying to.”

“Hmmm, I think I’d like to hear more,” he said boldly pulling her to him.

“That would require you to actually talk to me, Major,” she said placing a hand on his chest.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied as he kissed her cheek. “I’ll see to it.”

“Good,” she commented as she once again led him to the CIC. “Now let’s get to the mess before all the good food is gone. Having an extra biotic on board makes that harder now.”

“Hey, I thought you said you wanted me here—“

“I do, but I can still make fun of you. I have three years to catch up on.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The mission to Noveria had been pretty routine, at least by _Normandy_ standards. That of course meant that the ground team had been outnumbered and technically outgunned. But as usual they worked around that problem which had included taking out an Atlas mech with little to no ammo. Fortunately there had been two biotics and a gun-ho Turian sniper who liked to keep at least one big gun with one big bullet for the just-in-case incidents they seemed to like to run into.

It had worked. Except for the fact Shepard had been caught in the explosion of the last missile the mech had launched. Her barrier had taken most of the force but she had still slammed into a wall fairly hard. Kaidan had gone to her side instantly and insisted on helping her to the evac shuttle. Getting to the med bay, Chakwas declared her fit for duty but if possible to get some rest on the way to meet the Quarians. Garrus and Liara stepped up to take up some of the slack and almost forced Shepard to rest. Kaidan kept silent but messaged the two he would keep an eye on her if that helped. They both replied with their thanks and suggested he watch his back. Everyone knew Shepard hated down time when there was a mission on. Only Kaidan seemed to have survived giving the Cmdr. something else to do or think about. He was the only one that seemed to have ever made it totally passed her walls. But now?

The Major had decided to simply find the Cmdr. and see what she was up to. If a distraction was needed he would improvise one. At least he hoped that was what he could do. He wasn’t the Lt. from the SR1 anymore and he could pull rank if needed to get her to relax. He doubted that would work. So approaching her as a friend would probably be the best way.

EDI informed him that her current location was in the observation lounge. The room that had become his de facto quarters because the crew quarters were full, and he was a Specter. He shook his head. Why go there? Unless she was actually wanting to find him? He knew that was wishful thinking to an extent, but she said he should talk to her more…

He entered the lounge without announcing his presence, thinking she would be expecting other people to enter. They did all the time when he was there. He found her staring out the window with a data pad in her hand. Her shoulders were slumped, and her shoulder length hair fell into her face. It wasn’t what he had expected at all. Something was wrong. Had she come there for his advice or because of the calming view?

Slowly he moved to stand behind her and whispered, “Shep, are you okay? EDI said you were here…”

“I don’t need a babysitter. Don’t think I don’t know what Liara and Garrus cooked up with you,” she said holding the pad tighter.

“You’ve never needed a babysitter. And you’d kick my ass if I said I was yours,” he said trying to look at her face. “I just thought you might want to talk since you have some down time. Earlier you said…”

He trailed off as his gaze met hers in the glass. She had been crying and didn’t want him to see. Kaidan moved to stand beside her, moving her brown hair out of her eyes. “Don’t…Just don’t. I’m not broken.”

“I never said that, and I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make you think I think that,” Alenko replied evenly as he backed up a little to give her some space.

“Then why did you—“

“If you want to talk I’m here. If you want someone to listen, I’m here. If you want me to go, say the word and I will,” Kaidan told her honestly as he studied her reaction to his offer. He was looking for any hint to how close she would let him in and if they really stood a chance at being more than friends and comrades-in-arms.

He waited for her temper to flare as it used to when he became ‘understanding’ as she once had called it. Shortly after that, she had called him a sweetheart. The L2 wondered if she felt like that still, but his feelings were beside the point as he watched his former CO attempt not to breakdown in front of him.

Instead a soft almost inaudible tone came from the strongest woman he’d even met. “Kaidan, I didn’t want you to see me cry.”

“Then you shouldn’t have come to what is basically my bedroom,” he replied as he reached toward the Commander and tenderly wiped away her tears. In a gentler tone he asked, “Do you get some bad news?”

“I…um, not really. It was a timed delayed letter…from Thane,” she replied as she finally looked up at him.

“I…oh, do you want me to go?”

“No, you were right. I wanted to find you, but I was too proud to just go do it. So…” she admitted trailing off as her gaze fell back onto the stars outside the ship.

“So you waited here for me to find you?” Kaidan guessed as he tried to keep the excitement out of his voice. She was hurting but he couldn’t help but feel favored that she had sought him out and not someone else. _That’s your ego talking, Alenko. Let it go. She’s hurting._

Shepard nodded her head as she glanced down at the data pad. “I thought I was alright until I read this. Then I realized I was doing exactly what I had done before I met him. Nothing except doing the missions…”

Kaidan listened as she talked, not totally sure if he should really be the one she should talk to. “I…I shut down after Mars, when you got hurt…I thought I had lost you. That scared me more than anything had in a long time…”

“Shepard…”

“It was then that I realized I needed to live if I was going to really stand a chance of beating the Reapers. I’d shut down again because of the house arrest…and the Alpha Relay incident…But I realized if we forget what we’re fighting for, we’re no different than them…Then Thane died. I thought we might have had a little longer to say goodbye…”

She was silent for a long time. Finally she looked directly at him. Her blue eyes were full of hope and determination. “Too many people have been lost; too much time has been lost. If I’m going to honor Thane, then I have to live and be happy.”

The Major stood in disbelief as she handed him the data pad with the letter from Krios, the man that had stolen her heart, and had sworn to protect him in the hospital. They had talked, about everything in fact except for the fact the Drell and N7 had been together. But it hadn’t been necessary. Kaidan had known but he was just unaware of how deep their relationship had been until the attempted Cerberus coup. But why would she be giving him the pad?

Shepard gave him a small half smile as she turned to leave. “I…I want you to read this. Maybe it will help…explain some things…Come find me when you’re done. Please.”

“Alex?”

“I want you to, Kaidan.”

He nodded as the doors to the lounge closed behind her. The biotic looked down at the pad and took a deep breath.

_Siha,_

_I write this with a heavy hand, knowing you will read this letter when I am no longer able to share my thoughts. I am dying, Siha. Perhaps because of the differences between our species, I can hope that time will treat you with kindness and dim the hurt of my passing to faded recollections that a drell would forever remember with perfect clarity._

_Selfishly, however, I could not leave this world without leaving a piece of me behind that would never fade._

_I once accepted my fate. Nothing remained but a shell destined to die. I only had to choose the when and how of my passing. I had refused to be confined to a bed, gasping horribly as my life beeped away to machinery I had no use for. I thought of my Irikah, broken, bloodied, and betrayed by my absence. Of Kolyat, small and afraid, bravely pushing at his eyes to stem the flow of tears I had entrusted to him to cry... for both our sakes._

_The expectation to move swiftly to my end vanished upon uniting with your cause. You awoke me, Shepard. My heart quickened its sluggish beat if only to remain at your side and protect you with everything that I am. I was content to simply watch, take the time left given and praise all I know for allowing me to walk my final days with hope and certainty that I am worthy of more than my cold isolation, solely because you believed._

_I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my Siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the coming darkness. To give you hope, when all seems lost._

_I will await you across the sea._

_Thane_

Kaidan shut down the pad and looked out to the stars he found so calming. The Shepard he’d come to know on the SR1 still existed. She would still fight for those that couldn’t. But she—the woman—needed something, someone to believe in her, to protect her, to shield her. Could he do that? From reading the letter, he had big shoes to fill. But it was something Kaidan found himself wanting to do, something he felt he had to do—for her.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Major Alenko found the Captain of the Normandy SR2 in her cabin. The door slid open without him ringing the door chime. He hesitantly walked into the room. He hadn’t been to the Loft yet but was impressed with the design even if it was originally Cerberus. The fish tank that dominated the left-hand wall he found calming. In fact it was the only source of light in the cabin except for a computer glow from the living area.

He walked towards the stairs and saw Shepard sitting on a couch below a cabinet of model ships looking at images on a screen. They were pictures from the old SR1 and some of the crew from the mission through the O4 Relay. Feeling like somewhat of a voyeur even though she had been expecting him, he softly called to her. “Alex?”

She slowly glanced up at him and said, “Ah, yeah…”

He slowly came down the steps as she turned back to the computer. “You already finished?”

“It’s been an hour,” he replied gently.

Shepard nodded as she stopped the cycling pictures on one of her and Thane. It was rare for the Drell to allow a picture given his occupation as an assassin. “You would have liked each other…He thought about things…and the consequences…”

“Shep, he loved you. You gave him a new lease on life. He’d want you to have the same thing. Hell, he so much as says it in the letter,” Kaidan replied as he stood beside the couch.

“I…I think that’s why he did it,” she said with half a smile.

Alenko furrowed his brow as he asked, “Did what?”

“Offered to protect you when you were hospitalized,” she answered simply.

“I still don’t see…”

“Thane knew I still had feeling for you even if I didn’t. He planned it…” she explained as she added with a smirk, “Smartass bastard.”

Her tone unsettled him but so did that fact she had just said she _still_ had feelings for him. What did that mean? When had that happened? “Shep?”

The Cmdr. finally looked up at him with an intense stare. She said nothing just looked at him as if trying to look right into his soul. It was under that gaze he found his courage falter. He hadn’t thought she had felt that way exactly and certainly not for that long. Suddenly he found himself falling on an old habit he had tried to break especially with her. He was trying to leave a way out…

“Look, Shepard, I’m not the kind of guy that was the life of the party or with lots of friends…Some people even find my um…integrity annoying…” Alenko said as he shifted uncomfortably, realizing he wasn’t making much sense. “Look, I just want you to know that I consider you a friend. Okay? A good one. Damn this was way less awkward in my mind…”

He tried again as he continued looking away from her powerful gaze. “Mostly I guess I just wanted you to know that I admire you as a commander and I value your friendship.”

“Is friendship all you feel for me, Kaidan?” she asked in a tone that demanded an honest answer. She would know if he lied anyway. She had always been able to tell.

The second human Specter exhaled and replied quietly, “No.”

“Then why are you over there instead of sitting with me?”

He blinked wondering if he had heard her correctly. She advanced the images to the next picture. It was one of them on the very short shore leave they had taken together ‘accidentally.’ They were on a beach standing with a sunset behind them. Kaidan had his arm around her waist and Shepard had a hand on his chest. Both were smiling like goofy teenagers.

“Tell me that didn’t mean something to you then and it doesn’t mean anything now. If I believe you, I’ll believe that spiel you just spouted where you were trying to leave me an out.”

He said nothing as she smiled. “I call bullshit, Major Alenko.”

He cocked an eyebrow as she added, “I don’t want a way out. I want you…I need you.”

Her voice was soft again and very unlike the Cmdr. Shepard everyone else knew. He had been privy to Alex Shepard though. It was nice to know he still was if he would stop acting like a fool. “Alex…”

“Everyone keeps saying that I give them hope. Well maybe I need some too. And maybe despite all the craziness or because of it, you’re mine.”

He crossed the distance between them and knelt down before her. Taking her into his powerful embrace as he whispered into her ear, “It’s good to know you can still tolerate my thick-headedness.”

“Someone has too,” she teased as she hugged him back.

He placed the borrowed data pad on the table in front of the couch as he pulled back. “I should go…”

She tightened her hold on him as she said, “Don’t go yet. Please? I…”

“Whatever you need,” he replied as he moved to sit beside her. She turned to lay her head in the crook of his shoulder and his arms remained firmly around her. Kaidan watched as she placed a hand on his chest and sighed. She relaxed in his arms slowly.

Rubbing her back, he watched as the images began cycling again. Most he recognized a few he didn’t. He’d ask about them later. But for the moment he was where he wanted to be, where he needed to be.

As she fell asleep against his chest, he thought of other ways to help her relax so she could stay on top of her game without—what had Thane said?

Becoming a shell of who she really was, just completing the missions and accepting her death if needed. Maybe just spending time together was enough. His thoughts wandered to a café he had discovered on the Citadel. Maybe next time they could eat there and maybe next he could tell her exactly what he felt that had started so many years ago. He could hope at least.


	2. Time

Cmdr. Alex Shepard made the rounds on the _Normandy_ for the day. She tried to visit with the crew as often as she could. It was part of her routine and helped reassure the people she was responsible for knew that she really cared. With all that had happened and was likely to, she took solace in anything that resembled normalcy. It was nice to be back aboard the SR2. The Alliance retrofit only made it feel even more like home.

As she strolled through the crew deck, she realized she felt more at home on ships than on the planets she was trying so hard to save. Spacer born and bred. Yet she had fallen in love with a fellow marine—a L2 biotic no less--who had been raised planet-side. Hell, she had been in love with a Drell assassin too. It seemed her love life was nowhere near normal either.

The Specter let out a sigh and walked toward the elevator. Her gaze found its way to the observation lounge as she waited for the elevator. It was actually late, and he had already turned in. He had said he felt a migraine coming on and told her he’d see her in the morning for breakfast. He’d pecked her on the cheek and retired to nurse the headache. Shaking her head, she wondered if it had been a good idea to take him with her to the Ardat-Yakshi monastery earlier. But she had needed strong biotics as backup. Liara and Kaidan had been her best options. Plus, she wanted him to back her up.

She rode the elevator up to her cabin as she looked over her schedule on her omni-tool. Suddenly it beeped at her. Someone had just pinged her with a message. It was late. Maybe Liara was working late— _again_. She opened the message and smiled.

It was from Kaidan and apparently a migraine hadn’t stopped him from planning a lunch date.

Maybe things would be a little more normal with him aboard she thought as she exited the elevator. As she entered her cabin, she realized she’d never been on a date with him. How was that normal given what had happened?

“Screw normal. I’ll take what I can get,” she said to her fish as she wondered if the dress Kasumi bought her still fit.

*******

“Surprised this place can still get supplies for a menu like this.” Kaidan nodded to the waiter as the man walked away giving them time to consider their order. Apollo’s showed little sign of the Cerberus attack from just a few weeks ago.

“Maybe it’s better if we don’t ask how…” Shepard replied with a grin. She quickly added, “or where.”

“I’m glad we’re taking the time to do this,” Alenko chuckled as he laid the menu down. “I could use a sanity check.”

“Things have been pretty crazy. How’s your migraine?” Alex agreed, using the opportunity to address her personal concern for him away from the crew.

“Gone for now,” he replied gazing at her thoughtfully, the bustle of the café just white noise. “Glad you accepted my invite…I think it helped…”

Shepard smiled about to say she was glad when he went on. “You know, my life flashed before my eyes on Mars—and there weren’t enough moments like _this_ , with people I care about.”

“How are you feeling these days?” She asked the question as she tilted her head. She wasn’t even sure she knew how _she_ was feeling most days and now he was back aboard the _Normandy…_ and Thane was gone.

“Feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at me. And grateful I convinced you to sit down for half a second and relax.” The Major answered in an honest tone as several people from across the café murmured, pointing in their general direction. Apparently both human Specters having lunch together was a point of gossip. Both soldiers ignored it.

“Yeah,” she commented, leaning forward, hoping to deal with some of the unresolved issues between them. “I think it’s a good time for us to have a heart to heart. What are you drinking?”

Kaidan chuckled again. “If you’re trying to butter me up it might take a nice steak sandwich too.”

“So…”

“Shot of whiskey and a good old Canadian lager. Think they have it?” he asked wistfully. She remembered his fondness for both drinks from the SR1.

She chortled with a shake of her head. “More likely to have Batarian Shard Wine.”

“At my parents’ place in Vancouver, drank more than a few beers on their balcony, looking over English Bay. Yeah, beautiful view.” He made an expression Shepard could only label as longing. He hoped to see his home again one day, his mother…

He turned back to her; his eyes focused only on her. “You know what though? I feel good about our chances.”

“Yeah?”

Kaidan replied as he punched in his order on the menu, his eyes dropping to the table top. “Yeah. Lets me sleep better at night.”

“You not sleeping, Kaidan?” Alarms went off in her mind at his confession. Had the events on Mars caused some neurological damage he hadn’t told her about or was he just that stressed about everything? Hell, who wouldn’t be? It’s not like she didn’t have her own struggles with sleep.

“Maybe a little restless…” The Major replied as he picked at the menu, his gaze finally coming back to her. “The war isn’t the only thing keeping me up at night. I wonder about us.”

“Us?” She echoed the last word as she realized he had the same questions about them as she did.

“I have feelings for you. It’s more than camaraderie, more than friendship…I love you, Shepard. I—I think I always have. I want to understand what this is between us and make it real. That’s what I want. What do you want?”

Alex glanced down at his hands; one had moved closer to her. “I can’t bury what I feel for you anymore. And I don’t want to.”

His hands reached forward taking one of hers. He smiled as he placed her palm against his cheek. “And that… makes me so happy.”

Alex smiled as she watched him kiss the palm of the hand. He smirked as he added, “And there are benefits to that happiness…But more on that later.”

“Later? We need to get back to the _Normandy_ ASAP.”

Kaidan laughed as he leaned back in his chair. Their waiter approaching their table. “Too late. Our food is here, and I’m going to take my time.”

Shepard made a face at the second human Specter but let it slide. “What’d you call it? A sanity check?”

“Sanity check.” Kaidan raised his beer in a sort of salute as Alex did the same.

They took several sips of their respective drinks in silence. The big question had been answered and the wall was finally coming down. Neither seems concerned about the regs anymore but where were they supposed to go now?

Kaidan smiled at her. “Relaxed?”

“Well, yeah except for that thing you want to take your time getting to,” she smarted backed as she took a swig of her beer. She had ordered the same as him. Since the beginning, she had never questioned his taste in alcohol.

“Hmmm, I knew you could be impatient,” Kaidan commented as he arranged his steak sandwich to his liking. “But I wasn’t certain that would carry over to… _other_ things.”

“Major, I knew you could be dense sometimes but come on.” Alex couldn’t resist the jab. It was starting to feel normal to be around Kaidan again, to fall back into their banter from the SR1.

The Major arched an eyebrow as he smirked. “I’m not sure I appreciate that, Commander. That may have made me want to order dessert and—“

“Finish that sentence, Alenko, and you’ll be Jack’s new play toy.” She eyed him as she did people who should know better than to annoy her.

Holding his hands up in front of him as if surrendering, he exclaimed, “Oh, whoa. Now _that_ is uncalled for, Shepard.”

“Now, Kaidan. Do you really think I’d really do that?” Her tone was sweet and innocent as she picked up her own sandwich.

He scrunched up his nose as he glanced at her. “Ummm, that depends on how pissed you are at me.”

“If it’s any consideration, you’re one of only a few people who can talk me down. I wouldn’t advertise that though.”

Turning their attention to their food, they enjoyed talking; their conversation meandering from Kaidan’s family life in Canada to her life aboard starships as a kid. Some of the stories they had heard before, but most was new to the other. Each found it easier and easier to share things with the other they wouldn’t have before. It was amazing how one little confession could change everything.

Close to the end of their meal, Shepard grew quieter, realizing she hadn’t told Kaidan something. Something she had wanted to since he had landed in the hospital. As she stared out across the open spaces of the Citadel, Alenko swiped his credit chit. He turned back to her and asked, “Alex, you okay? You kinda spaced out there.”

She turned to him with a frown. When she said nothing, he commented, “I know sometimes I’m not the most interesting person, but after what we said earlier…”

Shepard shook her head with a knowing smile. He needed reassurance that she was ready for this and wanted it. “Want to go for a walk?”

The Major cocked his head and then stood up. He pulled back her chair and said, “I’d love to.”

She smiled at him as she offered him her hand. He looked at her questioningly. It was a public area after all. They were both still Alliance Officers and Specters to boot. But she didn’t care so why should he? He took her extended hand after half a second of consideration and smiled. “Where to?”

“Anywhere as long as it’s with you.”

^^^^^

They walked with no particular destination in mind. The two Specters commented on the various shops and news that was being broadcast over the comm system. Some people seemed to know who they were, but most were wrapped up in their own affairs, too busy to notice. The war had finally reached the Citadel and people there were finally taking it seriously. Too bad a coup had to happen before they realized that…

“Alex, you’re far away again,” Kaidan called as he pulled her closer to his side.

“Huh? Oh I was just thinking of something Joker said,” she replied as she met his worried gaze. She motioned around them. “It took a Cerberus attack to get them to pay attention. Same thing with the Council…And the Committee on Earth…”

“Shep, do you want to go someplace less public?” Alenko offered as he moved to put his arm around her waist, not caring if people were staring or even if they knew who they were.

“We don’t have to. I just…”

“Something’s bothering you. I want to know what it is…” he said firmly as he guided her to a secluded balcony nearby. For the Savior of the Citadel, she put up little fight. _Maybe she really did need to talk…_

He sat down on the bench as he watched her lean against the railing. She glanced down at the water features below and sighed. She was relaxed but worried at the same time. It was the thing that always worried her, the thing she never let anyone know about. Shepard heard the biotic shift behind her. He was patiently waiting for her to fess up.

The N7 half smiled as Alenko said, “Take your time.”

She nodded and gathered her thoughts. Patience had never been her strong suit. She’d had Kaidan for that. And Thane…

“Can I do this?” she said softly.

Shepard could feel the frown on his face and the confusion radiating off of him. “Do _what_ exactly?”

“Unite a galaxy to fight the Reapers a _nd_ defeat the bastards?” she clarified as she glanced over her shoulder at him.

The Major rose to his feet and stood behind her. She felt his hands rest lightly on her hips as he pulled her to his chest. “You can do it. You’re doing it now. You’re not alone. You believe in what you’re doing. And I believe in you.”

Shepard turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “How do you always know what to say? Even after all this time.”

“Talent?” he said huskily, knowing he had indeed said the right thing. Even Cmdr. Shepard needed encouragement sometimes. He nuzzled her hair, taking in her scent. It instantly took him back to the night before the run on Ilos. The night he had almost told her how much he cared. He hadn’t been sure it was love back then and now he was certain. He had loved her from the start.

“Kaidan,” she mumbled into his shoulder. He looked down at her with a smile. He hugged her tighter.

“Shep, I think I should…that is _we_ should get back to the _Normandy_. There’s some things I want to tell you. Things I should have told you a long time ago…”

“Mmmm, you have to stay then,” she replied with as she looked up at him.

“I, ummm, think I can do that.”

“You don’t sound so confident now, Major.”

“Hey, we were talking about important stuff…not _that_.”

“Kaidan, I want to be with you. I want you to stay with me tonight. It doesn’t matter what happens as long as you’re with me. Please?”

He smiled at her. “I don’t want to face an angry Cmdr. Shepard for the rest of the mission…”

“ _Alenko_ ,” she said in a warning tone.

“I’d love to,” he said with that smile of his that had always disarmed her, even when she was angry.

She couldn’t help but smile back as he kissed her forehead and led her back to the _Normandy_.

*******

“Shepard, it’s getting late…’ Alenko commented as he sat beside her on the couch.

He let the statement hang in the air as they both glanced down at the table. It was covered with data pads, papers, reports, and Kaidan’s personal computer. With EDI’s help the Major had been able to recover most of his personal records he kept uploaded to the extranet. After the destruction of the SR1 he was a firm believer in backups.

They had been going over both personal and work-related things, trying to get back into the comfortable rhythm they had developed aboard the first _Normandy_.

The fish tank bubbled as the Cmdr. looked at him. “You outrank me now, Major. If you want to go, I can’t stop you.”

“Bull,” he replied as he pulled her closer. “We both know you could take me if you wanted to.”

“Really? You wouldn’t let me just do it because I’m your girl?”

“No—wait. ‘ _My girl_?’ You aren’t really gonna go around saying that are you?”

“I don’t know. I might ‘cause I kind of like the look on your face right now.”

“ _You_!...Come here you!” he said as he snatched her into his lap. He started kissing her cheek and moved steadily down her shoulder.

“Mmmm, Major, you seem to know exactly which buttons to push,” she purred as he continued with his attention to her exposed skin.

“I try to, ma’am,” he said innocently as she curled her fingers through his dark hair. She couldn’t help but notice again the grey that was sneaking into his dark hair. Had she been responsible for any of it?

“Kaidan?” she asked in a tone that broke the mood.

“Ummm, yeah?” he said looking up at her a little confused.

Shepard ran a thumb along his jaw, stubble seemed to be a permanent feature there now unlike when he had been a Lt.

“I—Did I—" She was uncertain how to approach the subject of the 2 years she had been dead. How it had really affected him. As she looked at the deepening concern play across his handsome features, she realized she didn’t want to. Soon she would but not now.

“I love you,” she said instead saying what she felt she should have earlier on their date. Relief replaced the worry as she kissed him quickly.

She slid out of his lap and laid her legs across his lap instead. He looked at her as she lay back against the arm of the couch. “I think you should definitely stay. We can watch a couple of those old sci-fi flicks you used to have me watch…’

“Which ones?” he said eagerly.

“ _Stars Wars_. Somehow seems mildly appropriate for multiple reasons,” she said as she suppressed a chuckle. She had always thought it was cute when his inner geek came out.

“Which—“

“All 3…the good ones.”

“Originally trilogy it is,” he said as she reached over her to his computer.

Shepard ran a hand up his back as he programmed the computer to show what they wanted to watch. “Yes, Cmdr.?”

“You do want to stay, don’t you?” she asked quietly. He had never heard her so hesitant before except for maybe during the time they had stolen the original _Normandy_ to go to Ilos.

“Yeah, of course I do,” he replied as he leaned back. He rested his arms on her legs, massaging the muscles as he looked at her. She was still a little tense but this time he thought it might have something to do with it.

She remained silent as he asked, “Why are you so worried I won’t want to stay with you? You’ve been hesitating about different things since we agreed to the date earlier. I know we have a history and that you’ve lost someone you loved…Is that it or…”

The look on her face told him everything he needed to know. Kaidan took her hands as he said, “You’re not going to lose me, sweetheart. I’m right here.”

“But I almost did on Mars…”

“As my Dad says, almosts only count in hand grenades and horseshoes. We are here now. That’s what matters. I won’t have you believing otherwise. I love you and you aren’t alone.”

“Kaidan, I want to believe that…”

“Then believe this: The Force will be with you. Always. And so will I.”

Alex couldn’t help but smile at his _Star Wars_ reference. And she knew that was the exact reaction he wanted. “I love you, Major Alenko.”

“And I love you, Cmdr. Shepard, and I always will. For all time.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Kaidan woke the next morning to find Shepard draped across him, her legs tangled in his. He rolled to his side and tucked her in close, and simply held her. They had moved to the bed sometime during the night to be more comfortable. As he glanced down, he noticed that her mouth was slightly open, and she was drooling against his chest. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her face with his hand. Bending his head down with a grin, he pressed his lips to hers.

He ran his hand up and down her side and rubbing her hip. Memories of their love making session the night before spurred on his actions. There had been no pressure, no demands, no expectations. Just the need to rediscover each other. Feeling brave he slipped his hand beneath her thin t-shirt and found her breast. He cupped it, rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Pressing a kiss to her neck, the Major grinned as he felt a moan vibrate in her throat.

Shepard fought off the urge for more sleep to find her body was on fire with the familiar sensation of another’s biotics. She found herself moaning as Kaidan continued doing the most wonderful things to her body. Unconsciously, she arched her back, rubbing herself against his quickly hardening arousal. Intuitively, she tilted her head back to give him better access to her jaw and throat. Alex groaned as he gradually kissed his way down the line of her jaw to her throat. She brushed her hands over his bare chest, down to the waistband of his pants. With a slight smirk, she slid her hand beneath the fabric, grasping his erection. Shepard made sure to glance up at him to take in his reaction as she began lightly stroking, circling the tip with her fingers.

Kaidan gasped and jerked his hips as she stroked him. Redoubling his efforts, the Major found her nipple, taking it into his mouth through her shirt. Two could play at this game. He lightly bit down, then suckled as a smile spread across his lips when she arched against him. He paused his ministrations for a moment to pull her shirt over her head and toss it uncaringly to the floor. Making quick work of her shorts and panties, Kaidan took in the sight of her completely naked before him. Last night had been a blur; he wanted to genuinely appreciate her this time.

He sucked in a breath. Nothing about her had changed. She was still striking. "Beautiful," he murmured, stroking his hands over her bare stomach, filling each hand with her breasts. He grinned as she arched her back again, trying to pull him back down to her. He bent his head to one nipple, then the other. Taking his time to reacquaint himself with her physique, he moved his way down her lean body, trailing kisses as he went. No part of her went untouched.

Alex held her breath as he pressed a kiss to her hip and swirled his tongue. She watched with bated breath as he nipped and sucked his way down; the Major wearing a mischievous grin the whole time. He opened her thighs and wrapped an arm under one leg splaying his hand over her belly to keep her firmly in place. The Commander wiggled her hips impatiently as he pressed a kiss to the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, feeling the light scrape of teeth. She felt the quick spike in his biotics as Kaidan sensed her growing arousal. Shepard bucked her hips when she felt one long, slow, incredibly light stroke of his tongue over the sensitive pearl.

"Kaidan, I-"

Alenko drew his free hand down to her hot, wet center, slowly pushing one finger into her core. He heard her panting breaths as he put his mouth to her again, tongue swirling, licking, stroking, taking in the taste that was all her. He sighed against her, and gently removed his finger. It was soon replaced with two. Watching her reaction to his touch, he began setting a slow thrusting pace that he knew would drive her crazy. Within seconds he had her arching her back once again and bucking her hips frantically. Hearing the hitch in her breath, and the long, low moan that emanated from her as she reached her climax made the Major glad her had committed their precious few times from before to memory. Those memories served him well currently as he brought her to a high over and over.

Kaidan felt her go boneless as he resumed his ministrations, running his tongue over her folds, encouraged by her whimpers of pleasure. Within minutes he was rewarded again, this time with his name on her lips. “ _Kaidan.”_

Alex sat half way up, still partially pinned by his grip on her waist, and tugged on his shoulders. He glanced up at her, looking at her with an expression full of desire.

The Commander swallowed hard. " _Let me_ ," she said faintly.

She felt, rather than saw, the smile he gave her, which drew another soft moan from her as he trailed kisses up her stomach to the valley of her breasts. He paused long enough to give each nipple a leisurely kiss. Impatient as she was, Alex wrapped her legs around him, flipping their positions.

Kaidan fisted a hand in her hair, bringing her lips to meet his. He felt her hands exploring his chest, shoulders, and stomach, down to the low riding waistband of the pants he still wore. He let her push them down, her hands running over his long, muscular legs. With a sigh, she pulled his pants off and left them in a pile on the floor with her discarded clothes. He watched as she crawled back up his body, pausing to run her hands up his thighs and over his prominent erection. He growled as she pressed feather light kisses to his chest, to his collarbone and throat, nibbling on his earlobes. He crushed her to him as she captured his mouth with hers, leaving them both gasping for air.

"I need you, Alex. _Now_." He growled, as he rubbed his arousal against her. She quickly straddled him, breathless when she felt his broad head against her slick entrance. In one swift movement, Kaidan seated himself fully in her, watching as she threw her head back. An erotic moan escaping her lips.

"God, you feel so good!" Alex panted, beginning to ride him, slowly at first. Kaidan laced his fingers in hers, and filled his other hand with her breast, kneading, making her breath catch as she rode him.

"Lex, I'm going to-" he grunted, thrusting his hips to match her rhythm.

Everything reached a crescendo as they each achieved their climax together. Alex slumped against him as he gently pulled out of her. He brought her into a tight embrace, stroking her hair.

"I love you, Lex," he whispered, nuzzling her hair with his nose.

"I love you, too," she sighed into his shoulder. "Do we have to go to work today? I have energy bars and juice stashed away. We could just hide up here..."

"Hmm…that sounds great in theory, but we promised we'd meet the Quarians for talks, remember?" the Major raised an eyebrow when she sat up, sheets pulling tightly around her.

“I know,” she said with a sigh as she cupped his cheek. “But what did you call me earlier?”

“ _Alex_?” he replied as he kissed the palm of her hand.

Shepard shook her head. “No. It was something else…”

Kaidan thought for a moment and then turned red. “I think I called you _Lex_. I didn’t mean—“

She leaned in and kissed him. “No. It’s alright. No one else has ever called me that. I like it.”

Alenko sat up beside her as he said possessively, “So only I get to call you that?”

She nodded as he pulled her to him and kissed her roughly. “My girl.”

“See,” she replied as they concluded the kiss. “I told you that wouldn’t sound so bad.”

“This time you were right.”

“Well, I have to be right sometimes with you.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll let you know if you’re wrong…”

“I’ll hold you to that, Major.”

“Any time, Commander.”


	3. Invincible

_They were good people…_

_All the people you couldn’t save…_

_The scientist that put you back together, that saved your life were good people._

_Alone. Cold. Where were you when I needed you?_

_Anyone who comes forward, like these people, we help, no matter what. That’s the best we can do._

_Mordin died because I couldn’t find a different way…_

_Sometimes the best we can do won’t feel like enough, but it’s all we’ve got._

_Thane shouldn’t have died like that. Should have been stronger…_

_The decision to sacrifice the one for the many. The choice to leave someone behind…_

_Ashley left to die because I wasn’t fast enough…_

_Until you’re in that moment…_

_I failed you all…_

Cmdr. Alex Shepard sat on the bench by the weapons lockers in the shuttle bay. Everyone else’s gear was already stowed. The ground team attending to their other duties. The mission on Rannoch was a success. The Quarians had their homeworld back, a Reaper defeated, and two warring species were now allies and would join the fight against the Reapers. But at a price. A price no one but Shepard had taken personally.

Legion had finally attended self-awareness but had sacrificed it to let all the Geth become individuals. The war had claimed another life and she had lost another friend. How many had to die before the war was finally at an end? Would it matter in the end? Did any of it matter?

She glanced down at the helmet in her hand. The N7 stared back at her, reminding her of her oath and her duty. Even with that reminder, she still felt the weight of the universe upon her shoulders. How could it all rest on her? Why had it all come to this? Why couldn’t she just be with Kaidan and live like a normal person?

_Because the Reapers walk the stars once again._

Even if they did hide away on some planet, their lives would be a sham and sooner or later the Reapers would find them. It would go against everything they stood for and believed in…

“Cmdr., are you alright, ma’am?” Lt. Cortez asked as he and Vega approached their CO. “You’ve been staring at your helmet for quite a while know, ma’am.”

“Yeah, Lola. It’s starting to get a little _creepy_ ,” Vega added with his own brand of concern.

She finally looked up at them and attempted to put on her most convincing _Cmdr. Shepard_ face. “I’ll be fine. Just thinking. I guess I look kinda scary when I do that.”

She rose to her feet and stowed the rest of her gear. Cortez replied, “Not really ma’am. But Major Alenko wanted us to tell you to meet him in the usual place.”

Shepard smiled to herself slightly. The usual place was her cabin. He had started spending most of his time there since they had decided to pursue a relationship. It was nice to have someone to go home to as it were. And maybe that was what she needed now.

“Thanks, Steve. James,” Alex said as she headed to the elevator. “Why don’t you join Joker and Traynor in a game of poker. I hear they’re going to try and teach EDI the game. It ought to be interesting.”

The Lt.’s looked at one another as they saluted their CO. Teaching EDI anything and saying it was going to be interesting was a massive understatement.

*******

After debriefing Hackett and checking in with the Geth and Quarian fleets, Shepard finally decided it was time to hit the sack. Of course she had messaged Kaidan to tell him she’d be running a little late. Her mood from before started to filter its way back into her demeanor as she rode the elevator to the Loft. With nothing to do but eat and sleep left, the doubts she had been fighting started to come back. They may have won on Tuchanka and on Rannoch, but not without heavy prices. Despite her best efforts, it all was starting to weigh on the first human Specter and more than her little inner circle were starting to become aware of it.

The invincible Cmdr. Shepard wasn’t as invincible as the stories made her out to be.

As she opened to door to her cabin she heard a very welcome voice called from her desk, “Hey! There you are!”

It had become his way of saying he missed her without having to say it in front of their subordinates. She had actually come to like it. He rose from the chair as she fell willingly into his strong arms. He held her tightly, feeling the tension in her entire body. He kissed the top of her head as he said, “Hey, are you okay, Lex? We sort of won this one.”

“I know but some much…so many had to die to stop it,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“You’re talking about Legion.”

“Yeah. I know you didn’t get to know him. And I know how you feel about the Geth. But he was still my friend. And so was Mordin and Ashley…And Thane…”

She looked up at him, desperate for answers of any kind. “Kaidan, how many do we have to lose? How many times do I have to fail the people I’m supposed to protect?”

“Don’t ever say that again, Lex,”” the Major replied as he cupped her face with both hands. You haven’t failed anybody, nor does anyone think that. You’re doing the best you can and it’s a lot more than most people could even dream of doing. I wish I could just snap my figures and make this all go away. I wish I could take this weight from you. I wish I could just hold you and make it all alright. I just want to protect you.”

“You do and you are,” Alex said as she buried her face in his chest again. “Don’t let me go, Kaidan. Please.”

“Never. I’ll never let you go. I promise.”

She clung to the second human Specter tightly as he rubbed her back and kissed the crown of her head. They had been together a few weeks but in that time, they had come to rely on each other for emotional support and more. It was almost as if they had been together for much longer. But Kaidan was still amazed at how much the invincible Cmdr. Shepard held in—how much she kept hidden in order to keep the crew at ease and on track. Could he really help her as much as he thought and hoped he could?

“Sweetheart, I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Just name it,” he offered not exactly sure what else to say. The Specter expense reports he had been working on could wait. Someone much more important needed him.

“Just be with me now. I want to feel human again. I’ve gone so long having to be invincible…I just want to be human…Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I am—“

“You’re human to me, Lex. You are the most human person I’ve ever met. And I’m better for having known you,” Alenko replied as he pulled back from her enough to look down at her. She peered back up at him with an almost lost expression. It threw him to see the strong woman he’d come to love look like that. He kissed her gently as he caressed her cheek.

He felt desire well up in him as he felt her hand move over his back and chest. She was starting to regain her composure and direct her attention to him. He wasn’t sure at first if proceeding with the way things were obviously going was a good idea. That was until he saw the desire in her eyes and felt her pull on his shirt. Her other hand raking finger nails across his back. Alenko shivered and then grabbed her quickly.

Shepard let out a gasp that was quickly cut off by his mouth claiming hers. The kiss was hungry and demanding. Kaidan pulled at her tee shirt, and it fell to the floor. He ran his hands over her bare arms and the sports bra she wore. Shepard clutched at his shoulders as she deepened the kiss, their breathing little better than pants as they little groped each other.

Kaidan moved his hands to the pony tail at the back of her head. "I want to feel your hair," he growled in her ear. Alex quickly released the tie and her dark brown waves tumbled down. Kaidan buried his hands in the thick waves which now reached to the bottom of her shoulders. When they first met her hair had been very short. On Horizon she had it in a small pony tail. He leaned back and looked at her. He liked the way her hair fell to her shoulders and framed her blue eyes.

He captured her mouth in a desperate kiss and her tongue met his as her hands kneaded his shoulders and moved down his arms. His arm went around her waist and pulled her tightly against him.

Slowly they made their way down the steps into the cabin’s living area. Shepard managed to get Kaidan's shirt off and threw it near the couch. The Major suddenly pushed her up against the fish tank. His mouth left hers to nibble her ear and neck as he lifted her sports bra. He stopped just long enough to pull it over her head and dropped it to the floor.

" _Kaidan_ ," Shepard moaned as her hands moved over his chest and brushed his nipples. A groan escaped him and he pushed himself against her pinning her even more firmly against the fish tank. He kissed her excitedly as his hands cupped her breasts. With an inarticulate groan Shepard began unbuckling his pants, throwing it across the room.

Kaidan made quick work of her fatigues and slipped his hands underneath to cup her bottom. Shepard nipped at his neck and began pushing his underwear down. Kaidan pulled her pants and panties down her long, shapely legs and glared at her boots in frustration. A blue corona sprang to life around his hands.

"Kaidan, what are you--" Shepard gasped, as her boots were pulled away from her feet. Kaidan quickly did the same with his own boots, stepping out of the last of his clothes.

Alex took a step toward Kaidan, but suddenly couldn't move any further. Kaidan's hands were sheathed in a corona of blue power and he grinned at the naked woman in front of him. She could feel the buzz of his biotics as his hands hovered mere centimeters from her skin. Gooseflesh appeared across her skin as he guided her to the bed. He prompted her to lay down on the mattress as he watched her intently.

" _Kaidan_ ," she gasped with a moan as she felt his biotic hum increase. He smirked as he climbed on the bed, holding himself above her. One hand tracing down her side as his lips took hers again.

Shepard ran her hand up his chest and around his shoulder while the other hand gently caressed his erection. A hiss of pleasure escaped him as his lips devoured hers. Alex moaned softly as he moved to her neck and then her breasts as she gently continued to stroke him.

Suddenly he pulled away from her and grabbed her hand. Placing both her arms above her head he looked down at her with a smile. "I…ah…I want to take my time," he murmured huskily. “I want you to remember this, to remember just how much I love you.”

Keeping her hands pinned above her head with one hand Kaidan kissed her deeply. Both knew Shepard could have broken his hold, but she had no desire to do so. Her breath came in quick gasps as she basked in the feel of him.

Kaidan moved onto her neck just below her ear and then to her pulse point. He pressed feather light kisses to all the places in between. Moving back up to her lips, he kissed her quickly and then quickly took her nipple in his mouth.

Ignoring her gasp of pleasure, he moved to her left breast and started the process over. Overcome with desire and need, Shepard attempted to wrap her legs around him.

"Uh huh," he chuckled and continued the agonizing slow ministrations. Each time he kissed her lower and returned to her lips. He did this over and over to her frustration.

As Kaidan met her lips once more she gave a strangled " _Kaidan_!"

He smirked again but meant what he said about taking his time. He kissed her lips, then moved to explore with his tongue, kissing just below her ear, kissing her throat. Paying attention once again to her breasts, Kaidan nipped and sucked both nipples. As he whimpers of pleasure grew louder he trailed kisses down to her stomach, continuing to her most private area. He brushed his nose lightly over the sensitive area causing Alex to whimper.

With a groan of desire, Kaidan parted her legs and kissing her moist folds. Her hands found his hair, carding through it as she bucked under him. He put an arm under her hips to shift her higher. He increased the pace and pressure of his tongue as she gasped and cried in growing pleasure. Her hands left his hair and grabbed the sheets as her body tensed. He knew she was close as a long groan escaped her. Kaidan eased up and gently licked and sucked as her body trembled again and again.

When Alex's shudders ceased he kissed her core once more before sliding up along her body. Her hands stroked his hair and back, her legs wrapping around his waist. Kaidan nibbled and kissed her neck as he slowly placed himself as her entrance. Her eyes locked with his as he gently entered her. He let out a groan of satisfaction as her moist folds surrounded him.

He would not take his second chance with her for granted…He wanted to be with her. "Lex," he breathed in her ear as he very slowly began to push in and out of her. The rush of emotion and desire overwhelmed him.

The slow pace he set didn't last long, however. She eagerly matched his strokes, her hands raking across his back and arms. When Alex leaned up and nipped him on the collar bone his restraint broke. He went to a hard, fast rhythm which had probably been her goal all along. Shepard moaned in pleasure and met his pace effortlessly.

With a cry of ecstasy, her core squeezed around him and Kaidan answered her with a cry of his own as he exploded within her. Again and again.

Kaidan put his head down next to hers as they slowly caught their breath, still connected but fully satisfied. Slowly, Kaidan rolled off of her and pulled her close to him, her back touching his chest, her head on one of his arms with the other holding her protectively to him.

Kaidan was lightly dozing, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking, and enjoying the feel of her next to him when he felt something wet hit the arm under Alex's head.

" _Lex_?" he asked quietly.

She gave a soft sniff and held the arm he had over her ribs in both of hers. Kaidan pulled her even closer to him. "For a long time I didn't think I'd ever get to see you again," she said softly. "I thought I had lost you forever."

Kaidan kissed her hair and squeezed her tightly. "We're never going to be apart again, Lex. I promise you that."

She nodded and sniffed again as her hand rubbed gently up and down his arm. "I missed you," she whispered.

Kaidan nuzzled her ear. "I missed you, too. I love you, Alex."

^^^^^^

Alex woke up to someone nibbling on her ear. She giggled and tried to scoot away, but his arm went around her and held her close. She turned and looked into his beautiful whiskey colored eyes. "Good morning," she murmured with a smile.

Kaidan kissed her deeply. "Good morning."

He propped his head up on one hand while the other caressed her face and feathered through her hair. His eyes gazed at her face with such strong emotion that Alex felt her breath catch. He only looked at her liked that when he had given something a great deal of thought and was concerned about her reaction to it.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you…I realized while I was in the hospital that it was something I had actually wanted to tell you since the night before Ilos…” Kaidan began as he drew her closer to his chest. He was referring to the visit he had paid her in her cabin and had ended up staying the night. They had talked and shared a bunk. That night had meant something to both of the marines, causing them to realize that there was more than friendship between them. After an act of passion, they had curled up to together, holding one another the few hours before the final battle with Saren.

“Alex, I think I fell in love with you that night—when you finally let me in all the way. I knew that I had gotten closer than anyone else had. You were able to do the same with me. You made me realized that maybe I needed to take a chance and trust someone with the emotional baggage that I had been carrying around. Especially when that person actually wants to share…”

“You have always been so selfless when it comes to your crew and people you don’t even know. Even the mission we’re on now—to save the galaxy—you put everyone first at the cost of your own sanity. I want you to know that I want to be there for you, with you, to help you, to do or be whatever you need me to be. For however long you need me. I’ll never leave your side again. No matter what.”

Shepard looked at him with awe. He was right. They had fallen in love with each other that night but fate had intervened before they could act on those emotions. They were being given a second chance even in the middle of the fight for their very existence. How could she do anything but tell him what he already knew to be true? It was what she wanted as much as seeing the Reapers destroyed.

“Oh, Kaidan,” she whispered feeling her walls come tumbling down. The rough hard-ass attitude she projected to others always seemed to be smashed to pieces whenever the Major was concerned.

He leaned over her and kissed her hard. “You may be invincible to some but I know you’re still human, Lex. And I’m honored that you let me see that.”

She clung her him as she smiled up at him. “You’re belief in me makes me feel like I’m invincible.”

“Well, I’m glad as long as it doesn’t make you think you can do something stupid. I lost you once…I don’t think I could do that again…”

“I don’t want to do that again…”

“ _Lex_ ,” he said in a tone that meant he was serious.

“I know, Kaidan. But you mean everything to me and I want to be there for you too…”

“You don’t have to worry about me…”

“But I do.”

“You worry about everybody but yourself.”

“Don’t have time.”

“When this is over, we’ll make time.”

“I think the invincible Cmdr. Shepard could make time for the second human specter.”

“That’s good to know…I love you.”

“I love you too and I always will.”


End file.
